Our pregnancy.

Part 1
Another failure.
After our loss in 2014 and received God’s promise, we continued in our journey to Pregnancy. But this time, I think our focus was not 100%. My husband got busy with his job and myself with my Church volunteer works. In the middle of all of these, we decided to do IUI. (Though we don’t have any problem with sperm counts & etc, we considered it because it might help).  We did one in January 2015 which was not successful and another one in March 2015 which little did we know, a life was forming already. But that was one of our busy month at Church. Honestly, I was not resting the way I was advised to. I was so preoccupied in helping out putting together our “Crosswalk Experience” which is known to many as our “Holy week event”. I was literally running around, doing crafting, painting, coordinating and etc, but having fun at the same time (loving our Church team). Towards the end of the month, we found out that we are pregnant again! Few people knew about it, and they were so supportive, to the point that during our “Easter Sunday celebration” they don’t even want me to do much work anymore but to just sit down and just point out what is needed. My husband and I appreciate our wonderful friends & family in our Church, for their love, respect & support for us. It is such a blessing to belong to another family, our New Life Family. But again, few days after that Sunday, we lost the pregnancy. I am not getting any younger, and during a pregnancy I can not be a super woman. My husband and I were sad. But there was a certain peace that envelopes us. It’s funny because there was a lot of enemy’s attacks during that time. Not only I was stressed out physically, so as emotionally. In addition to that, we found out that some one was actually getting frustrated for me and my husband with all these miscarriages; some one reminded us again to just adopt; and to just let go of this and accept the fact that it’s not meant for us. And lots of etc. Honestly, losing a pregnancy hurts, but hearing these & experiencing the attacks of the enemy, hurts us more. But only God can understand what we are going through and only God knows what His plans are for me and my husband.
(But we are so blessed because of everyone that remained praying with us; to those who visited us; consoled us; gave us a vision; sent us food and etc during those time. We appreciate you!)

Fast forward, because of that “Peace” we felt, life goes on. Our prayer was, “Lord guide us in this journey. If what few people was saying is your will, and there is a child out there that is meant for us to adopt, lead us. If it’s not your will, please remove the desires in our hearts to get pregnant and to have a child of our own. But oh Lord, You gave us a clear “promise of a child of our own” like in the life of Hannah, and we stand with our faith that soon we will have our own little “Samuel”. Please guide us if it’s part of your will for us to do the IVF just to get the full term pregnancy. We believe you allow this desire to reside in our hearts to have a child/ children of our own, because you will complete what You’ve started in our marriage, to have a beautiful family of our own for your glory oh God. In Jesus mighty name with all humbleness we pray, amen.”

Part 2
God’s cheering.
We got so busy with so many events from April till August! There was a lot of birthday celebrations, baby shower party, day out with friends & families, more Church events, Friends visiting from Manila and etc! Highlights: Because we were celebrating our 3rd year in May 2015, we decided to go to Hawaii again in early part of June . It was a beautiful escape from all the dramas from the past few months. My husband and I was recharged in so many ways. We received left and right favors from God. Of course, even when we were out of town, he made sure that we visit a Church (So happy to be his wife!). After crying out to God and  surrendering all our plans, we just knew that everything’s gonna be okay. The enemy will try hard to destroy our hope & faith but we have an amazing GOD that defeated the enemy long time ago. And in Christ we are victorious! (I will share in a different blog about our Hawaii 2015 trip). Moving on… another highlight is our trip to England towards the end of July! It was just so amazing, we give God the glory for this beautiful and blessed trip! (Which I will share on a different blog the joys in this trip and a sad story as well). God has His ways to cheering us up & uplifting up our spirits!

Part 3
Big Decision.
Fast forward again, towards the end of our England trip I actually missed my period. We were hoping that we are preggy again, but nope! The moment the plane landed at LAX, my period came. Lol! So that Sunday because of our jet lag, we ended up attending a Church within our neighborhood around 5pm,  Beach Cities Christian Fellowship in Hermosa Beach. To begin with, my husband and I were praying and seeking for God’s guidance. We were in the point of deciding to do an IVF so before going to this Church, we asked God to communicate with us and to encourage us. The Pastor was actually discussing about the Book of James. That’s their series for the whole month. But towards the end, he started sharing how God answers our prayers. Even to the point that things are just impossible. Just like the life of Hannah, it was impossible for her to have a child, God opened her womb and she gave birth to a healthy child! And he asked everyone to open their Bibles to 1 Book of Samuel chapter 1. WOW! Yup, my husband and I was almost teary eyes! We knew that God is with us in this journey to Pregnancy! (God can speak to you where ever you go). Monday came and I called up the clinic of my OB and scheduled an appointment.
Thursday came. On our way to our appointment, we prayed in the car… “Lord Jesus, we ask for your signs and encouragement, if it is your will for us to do the IVF, let everything fall in the right places. We know you are with us on this journey. If it is your will, you can use this IVF as an instrument to fulfill your promise. We know You will provide for all our needs. In Jesus mighty name we pray, amen.” To make the story sweet & short, my ultrasound showed the most eggs! We then proceeded to do the IVF. With this decision, I stepped down from all my loved church activities and events. Few people from our Church family & friends knew about this big step, and only our immediate Family members knew about the whole process. But we are so blessed that we have a strong circle of prayer warriors. (Some of them even prayed with us every morning between 8-9am… )

Part 4
A pleasant Surprise.
IVF. Not only it’s very expensive but it takes a lot of effort and sacrifices. The good news, we got 2 strong embryos from our very own sperms and eggs! This was an amazing blessing already, because not everyone gets a successful result from the initial part of the process. Yup, we were so excited and hopeful for Twins! Everything aligned so well. My Uterus was in a perfect state. The components in my blood was in the required levels. God had provided for us financially! Overtime from work was approved for my husband. God gave us additional wisdom on how to use gift cards and etc. Everything was just falling on the right places. There are worries but every day of this journey we are in constant prayers and just trusting in the Lord. We are thrilled and excited for a pleasant surprise from God! Two beautiful lives starting to settle in my very own womb.
Just a background, I have to be on a strict bed rest. My only time to get up is bathroom breaks. I have to make sure I have a lot of fiber in my diet to avoid constipation. I have to drink exaggerated amount of water. We moved to our guest room downstairs, because I have to avoid stairs. My husband needs to wake up super early in the morning to do the following;  let our dog out, check the birds, prep my breakfast, prep my meds and give me injections, prepare to go to work. Then comes home in lunch time to feed me and give me my vitamins, check my water supplies and etc. Then go back to work. Come home dinner time, feed me and check my supplies. Then must run back to work until around 9;30pm. Comes home make sure I drink my milk and give me my evening meds. This was our daily routine, add the days that he needs to vacuum the entire house, do the laundry, run errands and water our plants. And because I can’t really take a shower, he gives me sponge bath every other day. He also runs to get some food for us. (Special thanks to my sister & brother in law; to our cousin and to Pastor Chef).  And imagine the pain of each needle that gets into my body. A tremendous sacrifice. We called this routine, “Baby mode”. It was a lot of adjustment and sacrifices. But our focus is the end result. Our children to be!

Part 5
God prepared us.
God is just so magnificent. We can’t explain it but it is so uplifting to know that GOD is with us every step of the way, happy time or sorrowful. He prepares everything before us, even before we fall, He catches us already. In the morning of Oct 9, the verse God gave me was, “As for me, I will always have HOPE, I will praise you more and more” Psalm 71:14″. Honestly, I got a bit nervous but rebuke the negative thoughts.  That same morning after coming home from our weekly check up & blood test, my husband bought us some lunch and prep things for our guests. After months and months of making our schedule work together, finally they were able to visit us at home. We call them our “Spiritual Mothers”, Mama Patricia and Mama Cheryl. We had lunch with them in our humble home, only because of me being in a bed rest, we all stayed inside our guest room. And they laid hands on me with oil, and prayed for me and my husband. Rejoicing with us for this victory & showering us with God’s words of promises! Mama Patricia started sharing us some spiritual wisdom which she learned through the course of time. It was so encouraging to know that even them that are kinda strangers to me and my husband, was touched by our almighty God to keep us in prayers to bless us to have our own children. They’ve been praying for us since May 2015 when we first met them in a baby shower party that we hosted. Mama Patricia reminded us of exercising the boldness of our Faith. Enemy will try to whisper certain things that can cause fear, doubts & etc but we should always remember that our God defeated that same enemy decades ago, and that up to now, the same GOD still reigns in the kingdom. Part of exercising our Faith is to stop praying for a pregnancy, because GOD answered our prayers already, so at this point we should start rejoicing and just praising, thanking God for our healthy pregnancy. She shared to us on how God brought us this far to learn more about trusting God and our Hope in God. She taught me ways of praying and exercising our faith. (Which I will share on a different blog). And she gave us a verse Psalm to read. It was almost 3 hours of them ministering to me and Russ, filled only with hope, truth about God’s power and stronger faith. “They made us realized the blessing of other people praying for us. Why? Because it’s like an ATM machine, those prayers we uttered are like cash increasing inside the machine, and when it’s God’s time to dispense, those are like the cash that comes out! The answers to our prayers.” The flow of our conversation seems to be like preparing me and my husband for a greater event, which was unknown to us at that point.

Part 6
God’s time is the perfect time.
Around 3:07 in the afternoon, the clinic called to tell us the saddest news… “It was a negative pregnancy blood test, the living embryos did not survived.” Our tears was flooding our eyes. I was lying down in our bed in a fetal position sobbing and uttering the words…”Lord, no, please no, this is not happening…why again? Lord, no no no please…” when my husband tries to give me his tightest hug, whispering…”Lord, help us…” Then he got out of the bed, knelt in front of me while I’m still lying down & crying out loud like a baby, he told me that we need to pray. And this is how I remembered it… while holding my hand he started praying, “Lord Jesus we come before you with all humbleness…(he suddenly burst into tears)…pause…Lord Jesus we don’t know why, we don’t understand all this…(he then burst into tears again, deeper)…pause… Lord please comfort us, give us the peace we need, give us the understanding we need right now. Lord help us understand and comfort us with this painful situation…(and burst again in tears like a baby). When I saw how my husband was crying & hurting not only for himself but for me as well, I then realized why God allowed Mama Patricia & Mama Cheryl to visit us that very day for all the possible days.  On why God gave me that morning verse. We were so broken for another loss. With everything aligning so well and our needs being met instantly, it’s so hard to comprehend the “why’s”. For the rest of Friday and Saturday we shut our door to the world and tried our best to remain in God’s presence. (Thank you to our Family & friends that knew about this and texted us with loving comforting words. To my our sister & bro in law’s time in spending dinner with us on that fragile Saturday night & pour out encouragement to us. To someone that sent as a special card. To someone who sent us those beautiful white roses. And to a couple that booked us in a Hotel for a get away…We appreciate you prayers, your time & support). After all those painful tears, God’s comfort is over whelming. It is so true, God’s time is the prefect time, but we have to trust Him on that. And my husband and I strongly believed that this is our personally journey as a Husband and Wife, and to where it will lead us, we don’t know yet but we are sure He will complete the work He started in our marriage. Isaiah 55:11 “ So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”

Part 7
God’s comfort.
As we continue on this journey, what we committed to God to do as part of our covenant, my husband reminded me to continue with it even though we lost it already. For me it was a 2 month of doing a certain hours of quiet time & worship time ( which I plan to continue ), almost zero social media (though I was posting some verses or some blogs, i am not scrolling at my wall or posting of others. So I apologize in case I haven’t made any comment or any likes on your post), no going out for fun. Then as for my husband, he did a 7 day fasting plus 40 days of no wine, his evening quiet time (which he will continue doing too) and our continues prayer time together. Though we are still hurting, our prayers have been answered. We felt the same peace, we were reminded of God’s promises. We were praying that God will tell us what we need to learn on this journey. HOPE. We are thankful for the Holy Spirit! We are grateful and giving God praises in the midst of this chaos. And to encourage not only our selves but to those that are believing and praying with us, here is what God revealed to us.
1. Psalm 71:14 “As for me, I will always have HOPE, I will praise you more and more.” My husband and I will never lose the Hope. In God’s time, we will have our full term pregnancy, and then that day will come when we can hold our very own children in our arms. We will praise the Lord always.”
2. A text message from our Mama Patricia who included us in her 40 day fasting and claiming with us for God’s promise for us to have our own “Little Samuels”… “Dry Your tears. Keep praising the Lord for His goodness. I feel so confident. When I hugged you today, you felt warm like a fever. I am excited because I know it will be the Lord’s doing and not that of a man. Don’t give up. Jesus is still on the throne. It’s a done deal. Now, see what our Father is going to do and He will get all the glory!” That is our HOPE.
3. Healthy womb. We had a follow up check up from my OB. And it was so encouraging to hear that I actually have a healthy womb! From my ovaries to fallopian tubes to my uterus, that is why I easily get pregnant.  And my doctor reminded me to be thankful for that because at my age I am so capable to carry a pregnancy. I am even a candidate to be a “Surrogate Mother”. At least, what I need to pray for now is for my eggs to get stronger & healthier. A miracle that GOD can do. We have a HOPE.
4. Oct 11, Sunday we went to another neighboring Church, Hope Chapel. The first thing we saw in their hallway with bold letters, “Growing in Hope“. (Goose bumps!) The sermon was about God redeemed us already. And on our way out, this verse was painted on their wall by the elevator which for some reason we missed seeing when first came in. Isa 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” We are growing in HOPE.
5. Oct 18, Sunday we were led to attend and try the Hillsong church in LA (and it’s because we were able to try the Hillsong, London).  After the worship time, the head Pastor came up and read some prayer requests, then I told Russ… “Oh, we should have written a prayer request too!” Then after the Pastor prayed and he said he will read some praise reports, and he was so excited because the no 1. praise report is… “Our prayers for a healthy pregnancy has been answered! We are excited for the birth of our child soon!” (Goose bumps!) and my husband whispered to me…”See, that is why we missed writing our prayer request because God answered us already! and gave me his sweet smiles!” We are thrilled on how God is lifting our HOPE. The speaker was talking about “The Good Fight…of faith”. Genesis 28:13-15 ^“There above it stood the Lord, and he said: “I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. ¹⁴ Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. ¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”  And the speaker even discussed about Genesis 25:24-26, talking about Rebekah giving birth to a healthy twins, boys. And we HOPE for that.

We continue to pray, hope & praise!

Join us in this journey. We are excited on how God is molding our Faith as a husband and wife to remain stronger and to mature together. As God helps us to grow in Hope together. To Trust HIM alone, and not in our own knowledge. To praise Him even in times of sorrow. We are joyful not only to what God is doing in our lives, in our marriage but because of our healthy relationship with our almighty God and for all the wonderful Family, relatives and friends that surrounds us. God’s comfort is so amazing!

May you find courage. And may you hear God’s message to you. May your faith and hope increase. Hebrews 10:23 ^“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”