A Promise to Pregnancy
Not every journey ends the way we often times imagined it to be.
We are married for more than 2 years. And like again, any other married couple, we look forward to that day that we will have our very own child or children. And because of my age not getting any younger, we’ve been proactive in constant prayers and constant visit to my Specialist. What I am about to share was our journey to pregnancy last year, 2014.
My husband and I had been prayed many times in our Church, by our different Pastors and etc. Until we felt the pressure, and personally prayed and asked God for guidance and signs towards what to do next. It was somewhere in August 2014 when we talked to God about…
“Lord, if it is your will for us to do the IVF, give us the clear words and signs towards it. We offer you our plans. We will sell our Rental place to help in the finances. It can be so expensive but we know, You Lord will provide for us. Prepare our body and mind for this big step. Give us the courage to do it. Also, there is a job offer in Australia, if it’s not your will for us to move there, you will align things accordingly. Lord Jesus we entrust to you our plans and our steps. In Jesus mighty name, we pray, amen.”
So came Sept, we visited our Doctor. We made the decision to go forward for the IVF. We did not renew the contract of our Tenant. Though my husband got so busy with work, we started telling few people about we are in the process of selling our rental property. Then came October, I got busy myself preparing for an 18th birthday celebration. Nevertheless, our minds are set to do the IVF, and not to move to Australia. But then towards the end of that month, we found out we are so pregnant!
Isn’t that amazing? When you pray, God gives you answers!
It was one of the best Thanksgiving for us. There is a growing embryo inside my very own womb! For us, it was so clear that we don’t need to sell the property yet, we are not moving to Australia and most of all… we are not doing IVF! God gave us this natural pregnancy. It was so loud and clear!
We shared the good news to few people which are mostly our prayer partners on this “Prayer request”. I made sure to be extra careful. Even our Doctor was amazed on how things are going. Obviously, God didn’t approve our plans! Simply because HIS plans are the Best.
But few days after our Family traditional thanksgiving gathering, I felt a “Familiar Pain”… a pain every mother-to-be will never want at all! We had another miscarriage. This time, not only it was so painful physically but more so emotionally. After a blood test and ultrasound in making sure that there is no embryo already, I felt my world just crashed before me!
I was so frustrated! So mad! So angry! I felt hopeless! Yes, you can imagine how my conversation with God goes. I was asking HIM…all the”why’s?” “why give it, and now take it away just like that!’ So many questions in my mind, uncertainties, a hate is starting to creep out! I was so sensitive & so in pain that only my Husband witnessed. I was in tears round the clock. I don’t want to go to Church at all. And all the drama.
But I give God the glory that even though my Husband was consoling me, he was crying with me, feeling my pain…he braved the storm. It’s been 2 weeks that I hibernated inside our very own bed room, when he told me that we need to go to Church. If I am not ready to go to our Family Church then at least let’s visit another Church. And I remembered that he led me in prayers…”God, only you can understand what we are going through right now. We lift up to you our pain and confusions. Be with us in this time of our grieve. Speak to us as we go to another Church. Let this Church be an instrument for us. Make this situation clear to us. Comfort us. Help my wife cope with this. In Jesus mighty name we pray, amen.”
We then decided that Sunday, Dec 7 to visit Calvary Chapel South Bay (Which was the first Church I’ve been attending when I was so new in US). Russ and I were in tears while singing during the worship time (personally, i did not mind while i was sobbing so hard for nobody knows us), when suddenly the Pastor came up the stage. He said… “Tonight is different. I prepared a message already but GOD just led me to share a different message right now. So GOD must be either talking to a “Couple”, or to some of us, or maybe even to me personally or this message is just meant for all of us tonight.”
Then he continued… “God allows things to happened for a reason. And in our lives we experienced moments that sometimes things seems to be impossible. We are confused why we have that desire and yet things are not happening. We doubt. Let’s all open our Bible right now, let’s read how GOD performs miracles in HIS time! Let’s read the life of Hannah in 1 Samuel chapter 1.“
Yup, when Russ and I started reading it as the Pastor was reading it too, our hands trembles (I think our whole body was!) and our tears just flow and flow until our eye sight became cloudy.
GOD IS TALKING TO US!
You can read the verse given the time. But the gees is that Hannah and Elkanah don’t have a child. Her womb was closed. And Hannah experienced being irritated, provoked and teased because of that. So Hannah went on with her prayers, asking God to remember her and bless her of a child. A child that she will offer to God. To the point that the priest thought Hannah was drunk and told her to go home, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.” And yes, Hannah got pregnant and name their son, “Samuel”. So for me and my husband, this is a clear promise of GOD to our marriage. That we should never loose the Faith. All in His time. And yes, God answers our prayers.
Then there was an altar call, my husband and I prefers to be prayed by the Pastor so we can tell him that we appreciate the message but because of the flow in the line, we ended up going to one of their Church elders. But God has a purpose because this man prayed for an old couple, he said way older than me and my husband that wanted to have a child. Both of them are passed their child bearing age but GOD performed a miracle in their lives. They got pregnant and their son is now 7 years old, very normal, very loving, very smart and so active at Church. He encouraged us that if God can do that to this couple, how much more to us that can be pregnant and we are still young. He prayed over us. He also reminded us not to feel bad for our past miscarriages, for those little life belongs to God and are all with God now. It was so refreshing and God indeed comforted us. God cleared the clouds not only on our eye sights but in our heads as well.
I remembered our head Pastor telling me, “It’s okay to grieve, to cry, to mourn but never allow yourself to be angry with God, never allow hate to grow in you. Remain in prayers and in faith.”
It’s another loss but we are grateful that we have a relationship with our Almighty God. Who keep building us every time we shutter. Not only God gave us a promise but He healed us from this wound. We will never give up. We will keep doing our part and keep looking forward for that day when we will have our full term pregnancy, healthy and strong in every ways.
Have you been in a situation that seems like a dead-end? If so, be reminded that we have a GOD that still performs miracles even up to this time. All He wants is your time and your trust… that “He got this!”. May you find peace in HIM as well. May your communication be open to God.
Let us be encouraged, day by day.
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*Our Little Mustards
Insert: A week later, my husband had a dream. He said he can’t remember all the details but he remembered clearly the feelings. He was happy, I am happy because of our child. He said we call our son, “Joe.” ( That morning, we just lift up in prayers our heart’s desires to have a child and our loss of pregnancy, for we know God is with us. We take this dream as an encouragement and as a sign of Hope).
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